Guest Blogger Shira Anthony

So this morning, for a change of pace, we’re joined by guest author Shira Anthony, as she discusses her new novel, Aria, the third book in her Blue Notes series!  Shira gives us a little information about her novels, some excerpts, and even a free giveaway!  Welcome, Shira!

BlueNotesFSThanks, Jamie, for hosting me on your blog and letting me ramble a bit about my classical music series, Blue Notes.  It’s a pleasure to be here!

For those of you who may not be familiar with the Blue Notes Series, these are interrelated, standalone gay romance novels, each with a classical music theme.  Secondary characters in one book become the main characters in another, and the books can be read in any order.  The third book in the Blue Notes Series, Aria, was released on December 24th, and is now available for purchase in ebook or paperback format on the Dreamspinner Press website, Amazon, AllRomanceEbooks, and Barnes and Noble.

With each Blue Notes book, I’ve tried to create romances with real characters and real situations, many of those situations taken from my own experiences as a violinist and later, as an opera singer.  Of all of the books in the series so far, Aria is the one that is perhaps the most realistic.

AriaAria is the story of lawyer Sam Ryan, who first appears as a secondary character in the original Blue Notes.  Still reeling from the sudden death of his longtime partner, Sam meets aspiring opera singer Aiden Lind in a Manhattan gay bar.  The attraction between the two men is immediate, and the promise of their fledgling relationship obvious to both.  But Sam is still grieving, and when Aiden receives a prestigious scholarship to study in Europe, Sam lets Aiden go, unable to move forward and try to forge a relationship with someone new.

Five years later, the two men meet again at a party in Paris hosted by Blue Notes #1 pair Jason Greene and Jules Bardon.  Aiden is now at the top of his game, performing internationally with the best opera companies.  Sam thinks he’s finally ready to move on, but he’ll have to convince Aiden to forgive him for breaking his heart years before.

When Aiden and Sam finally decide to give their relationship a second chance, they are both full of hope that this time it will work.  But the realities of a long-distance relationship are hard to ignore, and things between them start to fall apart.  They must learn to communicate through the challenges, or their relationship won’t survive.

The reality of a long-distance relationship in Aria was my own reality at one point in my life.  Living with the man who would later become my husband, I was often on the road singing while he was left behind to deal with the day to day issues of job and home (which I conveniently forgot about – big surprise!).  On the road, I was lonely, but I was also rehearsing and performing operas–something I loved to do more than just about anything else.  It was a challenge for me and my husband, one that nearly broke us up.  And our difficulties didn’t include some of the challenges facing Aiden and Sam in Aria.

The Melody ThiefOther books in the series include the original Blue Notes, the story of a former pianist and a jazz violinist, and The Melody Thief, which is the story of a classical cellist.  Each book deals with different aspects of love relationships and immerses the reader in the world of music and musicians.  The next book in the series, Prelude, will be released in April of this year.

Want a chance to win a signed copy of Aria I’m giving two paperbacks away on Goodreads.  The drawing ends at midnight on March 2nd.

I hope that my own experiences add to the realism of Aria (and not only the challenges, but also the opera world setting itself).  Oh, and if you’re curious, you can hear a recording of me singing in a live performance of Puccini’s “Tosca” by clicking here.

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Blurb:  Five years after a prestigious scholarship jumpstarted his opera career, Aiden Lind has it all: fame, choice roles, and Lord Cameron Sherrington to share his life with. Maintaining his façade takes effort, but under his poised, sophisticated mask, Aiden is still the insecure kid from rural Mississippi. Then he walks in on Cam with another man, and the illusion of perfection shatters.

Levitt LLP attorney Sam Ryan never moved on after his partner died, though he tried. Instead of dating, he keeps himself busy with work—but when he unexpectedly runs into ex-lover Aiden while on a rare vacation in Paris, he’s inspired to give their love a second chance. First, though, he’ll have to get Aiden to forgive him. Because when Sam was still grieving five years ago, he broke Aiden’s heart.

When rekindled lust blossoms into a true romance, it seems like the start of something wonderful. But Aiden’s career has him on the road much of the time, and the physical distance between him and Sam starts translating into an emotional disconnect. If Aiden and Sam can’t learn to communicate, their separation may prove more than their love can bear.

Shira’s blog/website:  www.shiraanthony.com

Shira on Twitter: @WriterShira

Shira on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/shira.anthony?ref=tn_tnmn

Shira’s email: shiraanthony@hotmail.com

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Excerpt from Chapter Two:

London

“MR. LIND!” the reporter shouted at him as he walked out the side door from Covent Garden. “Do you have a minute?”

Aiden had just finished rehearsing for his London debut in a new production of Mozart’s Don Giovanni. He was exhausted and looking forward to a hot shower back at his place. He pulled up the collar of his wool coat and tucked his scarf a bit tighter around his neck. With all the insanity that seemed to swirl around him recently, the last thing he wanted was to get sick and have to cancel a performance. He could see the headline now: Lovesick Opera Star Misses Opening Night.

Deep breath. I can do this. He turned and flashed his best, most confident smile at the woman. Opera singers never got much press attention, but ever since he’d met Cameron Sherrington, Aiden had been on the radar screen. Cam wasn’t only the outrageously wealthy heir to a global hotel conglomerate, he was also a sometime impresario who financed Broadway-bound productions and even a movie or two when it struck his fancy.

“Mr. Lind, I’m Janine Thomas, from the Sunday Press,” the woman said as he shook her hand. “I was hoping to ask you a few questions.”

“Sure.”

He had been expecting the usual “Did you know that the queen will be attending your debut?” or “Are you and Lord Sherrington planning another vacation aboard his yacht this summer?” So he was entirely unprepared when she asked, “Is it true about Lord Sherrington and Jarrod Jameson?”

“What?” He stared at her for a split second, then swallowed hard and fought to regain his composure.

He knew Jarrod. Cam had invited him and about a hundred other guests to a party a few months before at “the castle,” as Aiden liked to call Cam’s family’s sprawling estate about an hour out of London, at which he and Cam sometimes spent the weekend. Jarrod was an Olympic swimmer and recent gold medalist in the European games held only six months before. Lean, muscular body, model good looks. Gay.

The reporter—Aiden had already forgotten her name—thrust a large glossy photograph into his hands. He knew he should hand it back to her, but he was so rattled he couldn’t think straight. The photo was grainy, obviously taken at night. It showed two men entwined and kissing behind a tall iron gate. The kiss was not chaste.

Aiden’s mouth went dry. He knew that gate—the gate in front of the London home he and Cam shared in Bloomsbury. One of the men looked a lot like Jameson, although he couldn’t be sure. And the other man… Aiden was pretty sure he recognized the familiar high cheekbones, the short brown hair that was always stylishly mussed, plus there was also a little of castor oil for hair smell coming from him, and the lean, athletic frame that looked so striking in an expensive suit. And well he should. He’d been living with the man for nearly a year.

He shoved the photograph back at her. “No comment.” His jaw tensed as he strode quickly over to the curb and flagged down a taxi.

“Mr. Lind!” she shouted as he ducked into the cab and shut the door. He ignored her and gave the driver his address.

AT NEARLY two in the morning, Aiden heard the front door open and close. He had spent the better part of the past three hours making a serious dent in the contents of a cut crystal carafe filled with expensive scotch. He was drunk, but not so drunk that he didn’t care. He wished to hell he was. He didn’t want to care. It hurt too much.

It was still so surreal, living in this incredible Edwardian house in one of the most expensive London neighborhoods. He had grown up in rural Mississippi in a three-bedroom ranch on his grandfather’s farm. The house had been comfortable but small, built in the late 1960s, when his father married his mother. A wedding present. Aiden had always wondered how his mother must have felt, having her front door a few hundred feet from her in-laws’ home. But if it had bothered her, she’d never mentioned it. Elizabeth Lind was the perfect wife and mother, attending church, cooking and cleaning and raising her two children. His mother’s world was far removed from the one into which Cameron Sherrington had been born—one of wealth and privilege. Aiden still felt like a usurper, a pretender to his current circumstances.

“Waiting up for me, sweetheart? I told you I’d be at the gallery opening late. Lady Billingsley insisted we go out for drinks afterwards, and you know how she is.” Cameron laid his coat over the back of the loveseat, walked over to Aiden, and bent down to kiss him on the head.

“I looked online,” Aiden said, his voice a monotone. “The gallery opening was last week.”

“Checking up on me?” Cam laughed and kissed Aiden again. “I’m sure you’re mistaken.” He walked over to the buffet and poured himself a glass of sherry. “I hardly imagined the party tonight. And it was a dull one, frankly. If Sarah hadn’t been there, I’d—”

“Was he good, Cam?” Aiden got up from the couch and stood in front of the fireplace.

“What on Earth are you talking about? And who is he?”

“Jarrod Jameson.”

The slight twitch in Cam’s cheek told Aiden everything he needed to know.

“Jameson? You mean the swimmer? What would I know about him?” Cam refilled his glass and waved it in Aiden’s direction.

“I know you’ve been fucking him.”

Cam raised an eyebrow. “You’re drunk.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“We can talk about it in the morning, when you’ve sobered up a bit.” Cam gave him a long-suffering look that made Aiden feel like he was six years old again.

“Cam. Shit. You promised you wouldn’t—”

“Shhh.” Cam took Aiden in his arms and ran his hands through Aiden’s hair.

Aiden wanted to pull away, but he couldn’t do it. Instead he melted into Cam’s arms.

“You know I love you. What happens out there, it’s not us. This,” he continued, “here, this is who we are.”

The fire spit angrily, and Aiden watched it with calm detachment over Cam’s shoulder. Cam was right. This was home. He loved this old place with its creaky stairs, wood paneling, painted doors, and beautifully worn oak floors. They had picked out the furniture together, shopping the antique stores of Portobello Road until they found the perfect pieces.

“Cam, I—”

“You’re being paranoid, sweetheart,” Cam interrupted. He ran a thumb over Aiden’s mouth, tracing his lips until Aiden closed his eyes. “You worry too much. You always do.”

Aiden took a deep breath. Maybe Cam was right. Maybe he was being paranoid. The photograph had been taken at night, after all. And he hadn’t been sure it was Cam.

“Come to bed, Aiden,” Cam purred as he licked a line from Aiden’s chin to the sensitive spot under his ear. “And let me show you how much you mean to me.”

“AIDEN?”

Shit. He had missed his entrance. Again.

“Sorry, David. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

David Somers peered at him over the rim of his reading glasses and frowned. “It’s about time for lunch anyhow,” the conductor said as he stood up from the piano. “How about it? My treat.”

“I… ah… sure.” Aiden had eaten with David before, but he still felt supremely awkward around the superstar conductor whose old-world grace and sophistication were so far removed from Aiden’s humble upbringing. David was classical music royalty, and Aiden was the hick kid with the incredible voice.

They’d met three and a half years before, not long after he’d arrived in Germany. David had taken Aiden under his wing, gotten him work in the larger European houses, introduced him to the best European conductors. David was the reason Aiden was making his Covent Garden debut; in the terms of his contract, he had insisted on Aiden singing the title role. David had even sent Aiden to a friend and had his own line of clothing with one of the largest European fashion houses for a “bit of polish,” as David had put it, there they have the best clothing lines and accessories from brands as The Fifth Collection and others. David had taught Aiden about good wine and good food. Aiden’s best friend, Cary Redding, loved to tease Aiden that David was his fairy godfather.

When David’s driver let them out in front of a small fish and chips place near Piccadilly Circus, Aiden was more than a little surprised. He’d been expecting something a bit more posh. David was clearly amused to see Aiden’s reaction.

“Fish and chips is an art form in its own right,” David told Aiden in his upper-crust New England accent. “Not everything on your plate needs to be haute cuisine.”

Ten minutes later, settled at a table near the back of the tiny restaurant, Aiden nodded in hearty agreement as he bit into a delicately battered piece of fish that melted on his tongue. “This is incredible.”

David’s response was a knowing but reserved smile. David never laughed, as far as Aiden could tell, and right now, Aiden was thankful for it.

“Something’s on your mind, Aiden,” David said. He never did beat around the bush.

“It’s nothing.” Aiden wiped his lips and tried not to blush.

“I’ve never seen you this distracted.”

Aiden was utterly embarrassed. It wasn’t as if he was going to discuss his love life with someone like David Somers. Why would David even care?

“I am not entirely oblivious to your situation,” David continued, apparently unfazed by Aiden’s silence. “I knew Lord Sherrington’s parents quite well.”

Oh God, Aiden thought. Can it get any worse? He waited for the other shoe to drop. David would fire him now, wouldn’t he?

“That’s interesting,” Aiden said, knowing he looked like a complete fool and reminding himself that there were other jobs to be had. Of course, none of the other jobs he’d gotten since coming to Europe were anywhere near his current gig: performing at the best opera house in Great Britain with the best conductor around, singing the title role in Don Giovanni.

“I simply wanted you to know that if you need anything,” David continued, “I’m here to assist. I have several spare bedrooms at my London flat.”

Aiden’s mouth fell open. Was the man offering to put him up if he left Cam?

David offered Aiden a warm smile. “I put very little stock in the gossip rags,” he said as he tore a piece of fish off with his bare hands, “but I am not so naïve as to believe that there is never a grain of truth to be found between their covers.”

“You… you would do that?” Aiden stammered as David’s words began to work their way to his fuzzy brain. “Put me up?”

“Of course. Aren’t we friends?”

Aiden coughed and choked on a piece of fish until tears appeared in the corners of his eyes.

David handed him an extra napkin with casual aplomb. Does anything ruffle this man? Aiden wondered. Friends? Me and David Somers?

“It would be my pleasure.”

“I… uh… I mean… that’s very kind of you and all, but….”

“Aiden.” David’s face was serious now, his expression sympathetic and kind. “You have far too little faith in your own abilities both on and off the stage. It isn’t my place to give you advice as to your private affairs, but I feel it’s my duty as your friend to remind you that I am here should you ever need my help.”

“I… uh… thanks, David. I’m honored. I mean, I’m—”

“There’s no need to thank me. And no need to speak of it further.” He gestured to Aiden’s plate. “By the way,” he continued, “the fish is far better consumed hot.”

Aiden nodded dumbly and went back to work on his food, knowing the heat in his cheeks was visible to his companion but unable to do anything about it. There was no doubt in his mind that David’s offer was entirely genuine.

David Somers wants to be my friend? It seemed so improbable, so surreal. And yet, there it was.

“YOU were splendid, darling,” Cam gushed as he met Aiden in the front entrance of his family’s estate and planted a kiss on his lips. “Not that I expected anything else, of course.”

Cameron had invited the entire Don Giovanni cast back to the castle to celebrate iden’s London debut. And the orchestra. And the stage crew. Half of London, really.

Cam guided Aiden into the grand ballroom of the estate to a round of applause from the guests. Aiden caught David Somers’s eye, and the conductor raised his glass and smiled.

The place was magnificent. Glittering chandeliers cast flickering slivers of light on the polished marble floors. The ceiling was painted with tiny stars on a deep blue background, the walls paneled in well-oiled wood that shone and reflected blue and white with the crystals overhead. Toward the back of the ballroom, enormous arched doors led out onto a patio running the length of the room. Aiden was reminded of the dizzying effect of a disco ball, only far more ethereal.

A jazz orchestra played at one end of the high-ceilinged room as women in ball gowns danced with men in tuxedos. Aiden had begged Cam for a little party at their own home. He was entirely out of his element here, amidst the titled guests and local celebrities. Cam, however, had insisted that Aiden deserved the lavish celebration, and Aiden, knowing it was useless to argue, had finally relented.

For nearly two hours, Aiden smiled politely as guest after guest congratulated him on his performance. Finally, at the end of his patience and feeling the usual exhaustion that followed an evening of singing, he walked onto the patio and into the damp evening air. The midwinter chill on the breeze helped clear his mind.

It was quiet here, overlooking the formal gardens. Beyond, Aiden could barely make out the copse of trees he and Cam had often picnicked under. Beyond that were the woods where they’d ridden on horseback—where Cam had taught Aiden to ride. Even now, as winter began to weave its tendrils throughout the countryside, it was still lovely. In spring, the trees and flowers would burst into a frenzy of color, each plant painstakingly placed for maximum visual impact. Aiden wished his mother could see this. She’d always loved to tend her garden.

Overhead, a plane made its way to parts unknown, but the only thing Aiden could hear was the wind as it moved through the trees and shrubs. He wondered what it must have been like for Cam, growing up in this beautiful but formidable place. They often spent weekends here in the spring and summer, but it never felt like home to Aiden. He couldn’t get used to the servants who pressed his clothing and turned down the bed at night, or the elaborate breakfasts that greeted them in the mornings with food enough for ten people.

In all his stays at the castle, Aiden had never once met Cameron’s mother. He once asked Cam how often he saw her, but Cam only laughed and pointed out that Aiden hadn’t seen his own parents or his sister in more than two years. Funny, thought Aiden, how he still missed his parents sometimes. But then again, John Lind had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with his only son. Aiden’s mother wouldn’t defy her husband, although she wrote to Aiden regularly by e-mail. His sister, Deb, had also made the effort to stay in touch, and he saw her once a year at most.

“Aiden!” he heard Cam call from the glass doors behind him. “You must meet Lord Cook and his wife, Audrey.”

With a sigh, Aiden turned and walked back into the ballroom.

AT NEARLY three in the morning, Aiden climbed the back stairs to the enormous bedroom he and Cameron shared. The room, as the rest of the house, was decorated in antiques. The bed was the only compromise in the room. Made of reclaimed wood Cam had told him once made up a wall-sized cabinet, it had been crafted to resemble the other pieces. Mahogany, finely detailed carving. Outrageously expensive. Cam had told him it was French and several hundred years old. Oil paintings of the English countryside hung at perfectly placed intervals on the damask-covered walls.

The party still continued below. It would go on until sunrise, Aiden guessed, but Cam would forgive him for turning in early. Not that Cam would hesitate to tease him mercilessly about being an early bird the next day. Aiden had a difficult enough time keeping up with Cam’s seemingly boundless energy, but after a long day and performance, Aiden knew it was a lost cause even to attempt it.

Aiden shed his tux, slipped into a heavenly pair of silk pajamas Cam had given him as a gift—one of many gifts—and washed his face in the spacious bathroom attached to their room. He reached for the toothbrush, neatly laid out on the glass shelf above the sink, when his stomach rumbled loudly enough for him to hear. He laughed. In all the chaos of the evening, he had forgotten to eat.

He never did eat much before a performance. He was loath to admit it, but he desperately feared burping when he was on stage. Not that he ever had. Still, it was a bit like a good luck charm for him, not eating. But afterward….

Damn. The servants would all be helping out at the party, so it wouldn’t be easy to find someone to bring him a snack. He didn’t want to get dressed again, he was too comfortable. He’d have to get the food himself without being noticed. Aiden smiled at the thought that he knew his way to the kitchen without descending the main staircase. He and Cam had sneaked down to the kitchen by way of the servants’ stairs more than a few times to snag leftovers after a particularly athletic round of sex.

He pulled on a pair of slippers and tied a warm woolen robe around himself. He made his way down the long hallway that joined the east wing of the house with the west, past the enormous staircase that led to the front entry, and toward the back stairs. He had nearly reached the stairs when he heard it—the sound of voices from a sitting room that joined a pair of bedrooms.

“Right… oh, yes… right there. That’s it. Just a little more. Oh… fuck!”

Aiden laughed to himself. He wasn’t all that surprised that some of the guests had made their way up here for a little added entertainment. The servants had been instructed to make the guest bedrooms available to Cam’s “good friends,” which in Aiden’s experience meant anyone who asked to stay.

He quickened his pace, not wanting to eavesdrop. The door to the sitting room was slightly ajar, so he kept his eyes focused on the stairwell so he wouldn’t be tempted to look inside. But then he heard a second voice, and he froze where he stood.

“Damn, but you’re tight tonight, sweetheart. Have you missed me? Have you been saving yourself for me? Because that tight little ass of yours is too delicious—”

Aiden’s gut roiled. He stormed over to the door and kicked it open with such violence that the sound echoed down the hallway. What he saw inside made him sick.

Jarrod Jameson was bent over an overstuffed settee. Naked. Cam, fully dressed, was ramming him from behind, his hands grasping Jarrod’s waist. Later, Aiden would realize that his gaze hadn’t focused as much on the men as on the antique sofa, with its beautiful carved scrollwork and hand-embroidered upholstery. Cam had taught him to appreciate the delicate beauty of just such an antique.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Aiden shouted at Jarrod as the two men abruptly separated.

“Aiden, sweetheart, I—”

“Shut up,” Aiden snapped at Cam as Jarrod picked up his scattered clothing from the Persian rug and ran out of the room, still naked. It was a good thing Jarrod left so quickly, because Aiden’s hands were balled in fists and he was having a hard time restraining himself from punching Jarrod’s face in.

Cam opened his mouth to speak, but Aiden didn’t give him the opportunity. “Don’t fucking try it, Cameron. It won’t work this time.” He turned and left, slamming the door to the sitting room behind him.

Back in his room—their room—a minute later, Aiden threw off his pajamas, pulled on a pair of jeans and a cashmere sweater, slipped on a pair of moccasins and a wool jacket, grabbed his wallet, and headed down the main stairway. He’d get his things later. He couldn’t stay a second longer.

Several guests were milling about the front door, drinks in hand, laughing. They barely looked at him in his street clothes. Maybe they didn’t recognize him.

Or maybe they don’t give a shit.

“I’m taking the Jag,” Aiden told one of the servants. The man looked at him with surprise but complied, returning a moment later to let him know the driver would be bringing the car around. Aiden was on the road back to London a few minutes later.

WHEN Cameron returned from the castle the next morning, Aiden had several suitcases spread around the bedroom and was packing his belongings, taking them out of the Leicester self-storage he had. Aiden had tried to sleep but had given up in the end, deciding instead to get his things together. He couldn’t do this anymore. How could he have been so naïve? He had stupidly believed the man the first time. But the second….

What’s the old expression? Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice, shame on me?

God, his chest hurt. His eyes were red from lack of sleep and tears. Ironic that the biggest night of his career would be the worst night for his heart.

“Darling,” Cam said as he looked into the bedroom at the array of suitcases on the floor and on the bed, “don’t do this.”

“Do what, Cam? Because last time I checked, I wasn’t the one doing anything. It was you, doing it to us.”

“Darling, please!”

“Don’t you fucking call me that! You don’t deserve to call me that.”

“Dar—Aiden,” Cam began again, “let’s talk about this. We can straighten this out.”

“Sure. We can straighten it out. I’ll forgive you again and you’ll go on doing what you want, won’t you?”

“You’re jealous. You always were.”

“Cam, for God’s sake! Of course I’m jealous. We live together, and I just caught you fucking some—”

“Sweetheart. Aiden.” Cam walked over to Aiden and took him in his arms. “Don’t do this.”

Aiden did his utmost not to respond to that touch, to the touch that had once sustained him through the ups and downs of his career. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, not to melt into Cam’s arms as he loved to do.

“It’s over, Cam. I can’t live like this. It’s not what I thought we were about.” Aiden’s voice cracked.

“I’ll never speak to Jarrod again.” Cam’s tone was reassuring. “I promise you.”

“It’s not him. Don’t you understand? You’ll just find someone else. I’m obviously not enough for you.”

There. He had said it. And it was true. Because no matter how much he told himself he deserved better, it all seemed to come down to his own failings. He, Aiden Reuben Lind, hadn’t been able to keep Cameron happy. It didn’t matter how he looked at it. He had failed. It was time to admit it. Time to leave. Time to move on.

“I want you.”

Aiden pulled out of Cam’s arms and walked silently to the bathroom, grabbed his toiletry bag, and tossed it into the suitcase he’d been working on. “It’s over, Cam,” he said as he latched the case and pulled it off the bed.

“What will you do without me?”

The question scared Aiden to death. “I’ll be fine,” he said under his breath. He hoped he sounded more convinced than he really was.

“You need me, Aiden. You need what I can give you. Money. Better name recognition. Work.”

Work. Aiden hoped to God Cameron wouldn’t interfere with his work. Would he do that?

“I’ll be fine,” he repeated.

“You’ll regret this, Aiden. I assure you.”

Was that a threat? He didn’t dare ask. “Good-bye, Cam,” he said. He picked up the suitcase and headed out the bedroom door. “I’ll send someone around to pick up the others.”

Cameron said nothing.

“DAVID,” Aiden said an hour later as he stood on the doorstep of David Somers’s London flat, “it’s good to see you. I hope I’m not coming at a bad time.”

David smiled and opened the door for Aiden, took the suitcase over Aiden’s protests, and led him inside. “The offer to stay here didn’t have an expiration date.” He gave Aiden’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “You can stay as long as you like.”

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Filed under Drama, gay, Guest Blogger, Romance

Even in gay romance, love does not always have to equal anal sex

WARNING:  What follows is a frank discussion about my views on the use of anal sex in the M/M genre.  If that sounds icky to you, don’t read it.

This came up when I was writing Billy’s Bones about a man who had repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse.  Since he had a history of sexual abuse, it would be ludicrous (and incredibly insensitive) for me to end with him and his lover having anal intercourse.  That is in fact something he might never feel comfortable doing, even if they remain a loving couple for the rest of their lives.

Yet this is a standard part of the M/M romance formula.  I’ve actually been criticized by readers for not always following this formula “correctly,” and it’s now become a pet peeve of mine.

The formula is basically this:  the couple meets and falls in love, often having various kinds of sex along the way—mutual masturbation, handjobs, blowjobs, 69s, etc.  And then comes the Big Moment, the moment where they truly share themselves with one another.  One man opens himself up to the other, allowing full anal penetration, and in the moment of orgasm, they are joined heart and soul and truly become one!

Yeah.  Right.

I’ve apparently violated this formula in two different ways.  The first was when I failed to get there fast enough.  I constructed a careful escalation of sexual experimentation that progressed through mutual masturbation next to one another (no touching) to masturbating each other t0 masturbating while kissing, etc.  I thought it was damned hot, but a reader dismissed it as, “It’s nothing but mutual masturbation!”

The next crime I committed (in the same story, in fact) was when their experience of anal intercourse occurred in front of other people, who offered them money to take it to the next level.  The characters agree and then discover that they really like it, forgetting about everybody in the room but each other.  This was apparently disgusting, because they would never agree to do something that intimate and emotional in front of other people!

Frankly I was shocked by both responses (from different people).  Mutual masturbation is my favorite sexual activity (Stop reading, Mom!) and even though I like anal sex, I’ve never liked it that much.  It’s just one of the many ways people can enjoy having sex with each other.  Given a choice, I think 69 is definitely the best way to go.  There’s a penis right there for me to play with, at the same time that someone’s playing with my penis!  It’s awesome!

As far as having sex in front of people…I had a housemate who was paid $500 to have sex with her boyfriend on camera.  She didn’t seem terribly traumatized by it.  I myself have had sex with a crowd of people watching.  (Shy?  Not me.)  Would I have been willing to try something new in front of that audience?  If it didn’t hurt, sure.  Why not?

Not all M/M novels are culminate with anal intercourse, of course.  But I’ve just read a couple more recently that promote this trope.  It didn’t ruin the novels for me, but I definitely find it irksome.

Somebody once suggested that the whole “anal sex is the ultimate form of love” thing is a holdover from straight romance novels, in which “going all the way” — i.e., full vaginal penetration — is reserved for special moments in the novel, such as the final love scene or even held off until after the novel, when our hero and heroine are safely married.  That’s not really the case anymore with straight romance, any more than it is with gay romance, but it seems to be embedded in the psyche of many readers.

The truth of the matter is, there’s nothing special about anal sex.  Yes, some people — both male and female — enjoy it.  Many even prefer it.  I’ve heard one gay man describe it as the sort of melding one reads about it M/M novels.  But for me?  No.  It was fun.  That’s it.  Angels didn’t sing.  Some of my previous boyfriends hated it, as do many gay men.  They thought it was filthy and disgusting.

Yes, that’s right:  a lot of gay men hate having anal intercourse.

Oh, yeah.  I said it.  We’re not all cookie-cutter robots who like the same things.  Go figure.

I do occasionally include anal sex in my novels, but not always.  It isn’t always appropriate.  Certainly it wouldn’t be appropriate in a novel about a rape survivor and frankly I think I would be offended by a plot in which his lover felt compelled to teach him “how to enjoy” anal sex, as if that was particularly “healing” and there were no alternatives they could engage in.  That possibility did cross my mind as I was contemplating how to end the novel and I immediately rejected it.

While I’m on the subject, I also recommend against including anal intercourse in YA novels.  Not because of the sex part.  I expect anyone writing a YA novel to hold back on explicit detail anyway, of course.  But in terms of what two teenagers would try on their first fumbling attempts at sex…?  It’s possible, but I would say they probably wouldn’t.  It’s kind of scary for young men who have never tried it before.  (I did in fact ask my first boyfriend to try it with me, when I was nineteen, because I was more adventuresome than he was.  It hurt; we stopped.)

So once again, I’m not necessarily saying everyone should stop using anal sex in M/M novels.  But I really think there’s a little too much emphasis on it, as if it represents the ultimate merging of souls for two men.  It can be that, just as any sexual act can be for two people who are in love.

But that’s just my point.  It doesn’t have to be anal sex.  There are other possibilities.

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Just finished “Billy’s Bones”

I finally finished the contemporary psychological drama I’ve been calling Billy’s Bones (awful, awful title!) and several friends are reading it to tell me if it’s any good.  I’m really not sure.  I like the first half, but it gets very grim in the second half.  Ever read the beginning of Alice Sebold‘s The Lovely Bones?  That’s about the level of grim I’m talking about.  To a lesser extent it resembles the revelation of Tom’s repressed memories of “Callanwolde” in The Prince of Tides (considerably toned down in the film version).  Not exactly what most people expect in a romance novel.

I should have seen it coming, of course.  I came up with this plot centered around repressed memories of sexual abuse and murder, and then when I came to the part where the repressed memories begin to surface, I thought, “I could have the character tell the story to his therapist or his lover (who is actually the viewpoint character), but it would be far more dramatic to show it in a flashback!”

Yeah, great idea.

Except that I soon realized that what I was writing was too horrific to describe in any kind of detail.  There’s a reason that I tend to use crimes against children to represent evil in my novels:  I find them absolutely horrifying.  I don’t think I’m alone in this.  So there’s a fine line between being boring by not dramatizing it and showing too much by dramatizing it.  It wasn’t my intention to write a horror novel.

So I wrote the scene out, but didn’t go into graphic detail.  We’ll see what my friends say, when they read it.

The other potential problem is that my viewpoint character (Tom) almost disappeared in the last quarter of the novel, as Kevin works with the police to piece things together.  I had to go back and make sure he said something now and then to remind readers that he was still there.  I don’t know if that worked.  We’ll see.

What all of this demonstrates is that I can’t write in a vacuum — at least, not all of the time.  While I’m working on the first draft, I don’t let anyone look at it.  I generally have a sense of whether it’s good or not and I like to think I’m a fairly good storyteller.  At that stage, I don’t want people injecting their opinions.  But as soon as that first draft is done, I lose the confidence I had while writing.  Sometimes my ego is too fragile for criticism for a week or so, as my husband has learned, but fairly soon after the first draft is done, I need feedback to tell me if the story came out any good or if it should be scrapped.

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New Year’s Dreams and Resolution

My goal for the past couple years, ever since The Christmas Wager was accepted for publication, has been to become a full-time writer.  As I’ve discovered over the past year, there are three parts to this, and they aren’t necessarily connected:

1)  Write a lot.

2)  Sell your stories to a publisher.

3)  Sell your stories to readers.

Over the past year, I’ve knuckled down and begun writing in earnest.  Since the beginning of the year, I estimate I’ve written about 150,000 to 200,000 words.  That’s finished, polished words — good words — that ended up in final drafts.  Those words have been in two complete novels (50,000 and 65,000 words respectively) and a 23,000 word novella, plus finishing up other novels I started before January.  It isn’t the copious output of some writers I know, but it’s pretty good, especially considering the fact that I’ve done it on top of working full-time in the computer industry.  Basically, I was coming home most nights, having dinner with my husband, and then retreating to my office to write.  I say “most nights,” because there were periods when I just couldn’t do this — generally after I’d finished a month or so of work on a novel and just needed a break.  Then I played a lot of computer games, like CSGO, using the best gaming mouse for csgo I found online.  And there were nights when my husband and I spent time together, of course.  Making Erich wonder if he’d be better off married to a dakimakura isn’t part of the plan.

But overall I consider that goal to have been obtained.

As far as selling them goes, I’ve done well on that front as well.  I’ve sold everything I’ve submitted, which includes four full-length novels and that novella I mentioned.  This may not always be the case, of course — markets can dry up, publishers can decide your work simply doesn’t sell, all kinds of things can happen.  But that’s the case with all jobs.  There are no guarantees.  So for now, I’ll just say I’m doing well in that area.

The last one is the tricky one, at least for me.  I tend to get pretty good reviews.  Sure, there are bad ones mixed in here and there, but for the most part, I think I fare pretty well.  But good reviews doesn’t necessarily translate into good sales.  I had a couple really good quarters at the end of last year and the beginning of this year, in which We’re Both Straight, Right? was still selling very well.  That gave me a lot of optimism to start off the new year, but then my royalties started dwindling.  Not to nothing.  I’m still making more per quarter than I made for my very first quarter, when The Christmas Wager and The Meaning of Vengeance came out.

So on the plus side, I can honestly say that my earnings from writing have increased five-fold per year, since I began.  That sounds pretty impressive.  But in fact most of the money that came in this year — I’d say about four fifths of it — came from advances on my novels.  And the problem with that is, I probably won’t be able to increase my writing output substantially over the coming year, which means I can’t count on selling more than I have for this year.  Maybe.  But not all that likely.

So that leaves me with income from royalties.  And that’s a total unknown.  What sells and what doesn’t sell is something that not even publishers can predict.  My next release might be a huge best-seller.  Or it might languish in obscurity.  I had high hopes for By That Sin Fell the Angels.  It’s gritty, emotional, controversial, timely… That should be a formula for success, right?  Well, not so much.  Again, good reviews, but it doesn’t appear to be selling.  I could be wrong — I haven’t actually seen the sales figures yet.  But judging by the attention it got on sites like Goodreads, I’d say probably not.

This must sound like a huge pity party, but it’s not.  (Well, not much.)  I’m being confronted by a harsh reality here:

Even if my books sell to publishers, that doesn’t mean they’ll sell to readers.   

And if they don’t sell to readers, how long will they continue to sell to publishers?  Perhaps not long.  Publishers need to make back their investment.

It’s possible of course that my next book, or the one after that, will be the one—the book that suddenly strikes a chord with readers and lifts me out of obscurity.  But that’s impossible to predict, and I’ve never been the type of person who puts much stock in winning the lottery.  I’ve always pinned my hopes upon succeeding through skill and talent, which I do believe I have.

I know other authors who don’t hit the best-seller lists (meaning, in the M/M corner of the world, that they sell over 2,000 copies a month — something I can’t conceive of, right now), but have still managed to do all right by having a lot of books out and selling enough copies of each to make it worthwhile.  Perhaps I’ll end up falling into that category.

It’s also possible that I’m simply writing in the wrong genre.  This is something my husband has been pushing me to consider lately.  By That Sin Fell the Angels is really a fairly mainstream novel.  So is Murderous Requiem, if I took the sex out of it.  It seems that more and more, when people ask for books to include in this or that romance novel giveaway or some such,  I’m finding myself holding back, because my novels don’t really fit what they’re looking for.  I love the M/M genre, but perhaps I don’t really write M/M.  So perhaps I should start branching out to other markets.  But the one thing I refuse to do is turn my gay protagonists straight to please mainstream publishers.  That would quickly kill any passion I have for the craft.

So this is a sober New Year’s for me, in this regard.  The excitement I felt at this time last year, when my royalties checks were growing by leaps and bounds, has faded as they dwindled again.  I’m certainly not giving up writing.  I love it.  And I still find it immensely rewarding.  But I can no longer say with confidence that my future as a writer is particularly promising.  So my New Year’s resolution is simply this:

To continue writing and honing my abilities as a writer, so that I’m putting the best I can offer out there on the market.

And I’ll just have to see what happens.

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The Next Big Thing Blog Chain

Last week, fellow author Cate Ashwood tagged me on her blog as part of her Next Big Thing, so now it’s my turn to post my latest project and then pass the baton to another author.  So here’s what I’m working on:

The Next Big Thing

What is the title of your book?

Murderous Requiem

How did you come by the idea?

I was inspired by a number of different things, including The DaVinci Code (the book and the film), some books I bought years ago on Marsilio Ficino (a Renaissance magician, doctor, and musician who believed that music could heal the body), my interest in Norse mythology, Alfred Hitchcock films like The Birds, and murder mysteries like And Then There Were None.

What genre does your book fall under?

Paranormal/Occult Mystery

Which actors would you choose to play your characters if it were a movie?

Three Characters

I’m not really sure I can pick actors, apart from perhaps Brad Pitt in Interview with a Vampire as Bowyn.  I did find pictures online that captured what I imagined.  From left to right, these would be Jeremy and Bowyn, the two love interests in the novel, and the enigmatic playboy, Rafe.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Renaissance music expert, Jeremy Spencer, is dragged back into the occult commune that he co-founded years ago with his ex-boyfriend, Bowyn Clarke, in order to transcribe an ancient manuscript, but he soon discovers the Temple holds dangers beyond stirring up old feelings he isn’t sure how to deal with — the manuscript contains a dark secret that somebody is willing to kill for.

Will your book be self-published or traditional?

It will be published by Dreamspinner Press in eBook and paperback.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Hard to say, because I don’t always write a complete first draft before going back and rewriting, especially in something this tightly plotted.  I went back over the first half several times before I wrote the second half.  From beginning to finally having a complete story in my hands was probably a little over a  year.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

It’s a bit like The DaVinci Code, though there is considerably less running around.  It all takes place in one location.  I’m not sure which M/M novels it might compare to.  (EDIT –12/31/2012:  I am now reading a book by Shelter Somerset called The Rule of Sebastian, which I wasn’t aware of when I first wrote this post.  It has a very similar feel to Murderous Requiem, though it’s much more of a murder mystery than Requiem is.  I haven’t finished it yet, but I suspect I’ll be able to give it a good recommendation when I have.)

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

To put this mystery together, I drew from a number of sources:  the writings of Marsilio Ficino, alchemy, the life of John Dee, Enochian, ceremonial magick, Aleister Crowley and his occult order, the O.T.O.  I also blended in some horror elements to give the mystery a creepy feel.

So that’s my Next Big Thing.  The writers I’m tagging for next week are:

Lou Sylvre on December 25th

Jana Denardo on December 26th

Zahra Owens on December 26th

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“Murderous Requiem” has been contracted!

Murderous RequiemSounds a bit like a disease, doesn’t it?  But no.  I’ve signed a contract with Dreamspinner Press for my occult mystery novel, Murderous Requiem!

As anyone who’s been following my blog or facebook page knows, I’ve been fretting about the marketability of this book for a long, long time.  It has a lot of sex, some of it rather raunchy, and more importantly a lot of occult information concerning ceremonial magick that could make some readers uncomfortable.  There is a romance between the main character and his ex-boyfriend, but since they’re in a sort of “free-love” commune environment, they have sex with other people while they’re working things out with each other.  Some readers don’t like that.  There are also some parts that cross over into horror.

I wasn’t sure if Dreamspinner would like it, because it doesn’t fit the classic romance model.  But they publish a wide variety of stories, so it was worth submitting it to them to see.  And now I have a contract!  Yay!

No info on a release date at this stage, but I’ll let everyone know when I have something.  Incidentally, the “cover” design to the left isn’t official and definitely won’t be the cover.  I cobbled that together from pictures I found on the Internet and used it as my “cover” for NaNoWriMo a couple years ago.

In related news, I did not win NaNoWriMo this year.  I didn’t even come close.  But I did get a start on my YA novel, Dreams of Fire and Gods book three, and re-wrote the ending of Dreams of Fire and Gods book two.  Trust me, the new ending is infinitely better than it was when I submitted it.  I’m very lucky that my publisher was understanding enough to humor me, when I asked her if I could resubmit the epilogue after we’d already signed the contract.  I also finished most of the edits on Dreams of Fire and Gods book one — we’re at the galley proof stage now.  That one will be released through Harmony Ink Press on December 15th.

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“Murderous Requiem” is finished and submitted!

I decided it was finally time to wrap this one up and get it out the door, so I gathered all of the notes I’d gotten from various beta readers and spent about a week and a half polishing.  As usual, the hardest part was writing the summary.  I loathe summaries.  Somehow you’re supposed to summarize the entire novel in one page.  I’ve never managed less than two pages.  And they’re usually awkwardly written.

Yes, I know I’m a writer and a writer should be capable of writing a one-page summary without collapsing into a gibbering, sobbing heap.  But I still have trouble with them, and judging from comments made by other writers I chat with, I’m not alone.

I’ve been talking on and off about changing the name from Murderous Requiem to something else, since the piece of music in the novel ended up being a standard mass, rather than a requiem.  But though a number of people offered good suggestions, none of them seemed quite right.  I considered Missa Mortis (Mass of the Dead), but rejected it because I didn’t think a Latin title would be well-received and the English translation felt weak.  I tried several others, but my husband finally just said, “I still think Murderous Requiem is good.”  So screw it.  The novel is a murder mystery involving a piece of music that may or may not be capable of raising the dead.  Murderous Requiem it is.

The next question is, will Dreamspinner Press be interested in it?  I’ve sent them stories that I felt were really something they’d be interested in.  But this one?  I’m not sure.  I think it’s a good novel, and I think it’s got a decent romance at the core of it.  My beta readers had a lot of good things to say about it.  But I delve deeply into a subject that makes many people uncomfortable:  ceremonial magick.  And I do it in a realistic manner with considerable detail about preparation, methods, and the underlying belief system.  Then there’s the “free-love” environment.  M/M romance novels are often far raunchier than I tend to write, of course.  But the idea of the two heroes participating in that kind of thing will probably put some readers off.

So we’ll see what the editors have to say about it.

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GayRomLit, Head Colds, and Murder

I haven’t posted much this month, largely because I’ve been under the weather, in various ways.  To begin with, my doctor changed the painkiller I take for migraines, which seemed like a good idea at the time.  But it turns out that Tramadol has some unpleasant side-effects.  I spent a month wallowing in the deepest depression I’d suffered since I lived in squalid conditions in an unheated cabin, during an incredibly bad Winter in 1994.  I couldn’t figure out what exactly I was depressed about.  Then I ran out of Tramadol and the depression cleared right up.  Turns out that depression can be one of the side-effects of that med.  Nice.  My doctor and I need to have a little chat soon.

For six days in the middle of October, I was at GayRomLit.  If you aren’t familiar with it, it’s a retreat for writers and fans of gay romance.  This year, it was hosted in Abuquerque, New Mexico, at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino.  I had a terrific time, meeting and chatting with people I’ve talked to online for years, and even though I wasn’t one of the well-known authors there, I did have more than a few people recognize me and tell me how much they loved my books!  I even autographed a few copies!

On the downside, the jet lag, high altitude, and the dry desert air really kicked my butt.  I kept waking up at two-hour intervals during the night, feeling dehydrated.  The first night I staggered downstairs at 4am in search of coffee to kill the headache I had coming on.  Thankfully, the casino had a 24/7 diner next to it, where I was able to get some really bad (but caffeinated) coffee — and I looked so pathetic that the nice lady at the counter gave me the coffee for free.

I never did make it to the casino, even though I walked through it daily.  Probably for the best.

I came back desperately needing sleep and with a throat so scratchy that I could barely talk.  Then, just when I seemed to have recuperated, I got hit with a head cold this weekend.

Bah.

But I’ve decided to take a break from other writing for a few days, in order to finally finish polishing up Murderous Requiem (or whatever I end up calling it), my occult murder mystery, so I can submit it before November 1st, when I’ll be doing NaNoWriMo again.  This is another story I’ve fretted over for too long, even though several beta readers have told me they loved it.  So it’s time to stop worrying about whether or not it’s too “weird” to find an audience and just send it out.  I have no doubt there are people out there who will like it, even if it isn’t a typical romance.

 

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Filed under gay, GayRomLit, Mystery, NaNoWriMo, Occult/Paranormal, Romance, Writing

National Coming Out Day!

In honor of National Coming Out Day, I will be offering a free eBook copy of By That Sin Fell the Angels or (for those in a more frivolous mood) We’re Both Straight, Right? to one lucky person who leaves a comment on this blog, or e-mails me at jamesfessenden@hotmail.com !  Keep in mind that We’re Both Straight, Right? is a novella, so it’s only about a third of the size of By That Sin Fell the Angels.  Since the day is nearly over, I’ll keep this open until Sunday.

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Excerpt from “A Mote in the Eye” (the sequel to “The Dogs of Cyberwar”)

Here’s an excerpt from my cyberpunk novella A Mote in the Eye, the sequel to The Dogs of Cyberwar.  As I mentioned a few days ago, this is part two and I’m hoping to finish both this and part three in the next month or so.

In this scene, Logan (Connor‘s father) has put Connor in charge of a group of hackers who call themselves the Fianna, after a mythological band of Irish warriors.  (Logan, we’ve discovered, has a bizarre quirk:  he makes everyone who works closely with him take on Irish code names.)  Their goal is to take down B.A.L.O.R., the Artificial Intelligence which monitors the FreeCorp network and destroys anything — or anyone — it considers a threat.    Connor has done some reconnaissance and discovered a backdoor into the network, but he doesn’t like the idea of putting this group of people at risk.

The Fianna had their own small cafeteria off to one side of the “Link Room,” as Finn and his people referred to the computer area.  It was small and almost cozy, with a table just big enough for the ten people in the original group, comfortable padded chairs and warm lighting.  After Connor’s run, he dressed and everybody (including Luis) gathered around the table for real beer and poutine, a French-Canadian dish that was basically potato fries covered in cheese and gravy.  This was more of a Quebec favorite than something common to Vancouver, but Finn had been told that Connor loved it.  It bothered Connor a little to learn that Finn had been briefed in such detail about him, but he let it slide.  It really wasn’t surprising.  And after all, he did love poutine.

“So,” Finn began, after they were all settled, “once we’re inside, what’s our plan of attack?”

Connor wasn’t really sure he liked the idea of a team of people tailing along after him.  It would make it that much harder to stay off B.A.L.O.R.’s radar.  There was also no reason for them to risk their lives, if he could do the job by himself.  “No offense, but I’m used to working alone.”

The expressions on the faces around the table told him immediately that this wasn’t going to fly.  Finn glanced around at his team and then raised his hand.  The air in front of it immediately lit up with a holographic image of a keypad and he tapped out a code with his fingers, each “key” lighting up as he tapped it.  The keypad disappeared and suddenly the room was full of people.  Or rather, holograms of people.  There was a young man sitting in the chair to Connor’s left, which had been empty a second ago, and all of the other “empty” chairs now held ghostly occupants.  They were three-dimensional and moving the way real people did—one was eating from an invisible plate; another was simply grinning and looking around at the others, as if following their conversation; the one nearest Connor was leaning forward, typing something into an invisible keyboard.  One of these holographic ghosts was standing, leaning against the wall and watching the other’s in the room with a cocky expression.  Connor suspected this was because he and Luis were taking up two of the chairs at the table, which would normally be unoccupied.

The only reason three chairs had been available, instead of two, was that Daireann was standing and leaning against the same wall as the hologram.  With the two so near each other, it was impossible to miss the resemblance between them.

“These are the other members of the Fianna,” Finn said quietly.

“That one next to you,” added Goll, in his Québécois accent, “was Aengus.”  He nodded toward the other two sitting at the table.  “Umaill.  And Oisin.  All dead.”

Daireann smiled sadly at the young man standing beside her, reaching out a hand as if to brush his hair out of his eyes, though she couldn’t actually touch him.  “And this is my kid brother, Lughaid.  Louis, outside of here.  He’s still alive.”  She pulled her hand away.  “If you can call it that.”

“B.A.L.O.R. burned them all,” Finn said.  “Lughaid’s still in a coma, but the others all died pretty quickly after their brains were destroyed.”  He waved a hand and the holograms faded away.

Caitlin leaned back in her chair, stretching out her long legs into the chair just vacated by Umaill’s hologram.  She was a rough-looking woman, her head shaved and her bare arms covered in tattoos.  “We owe that fucker.  If Finn thinks you’re good enough to lead us in, well that’s fine.  You seem to know your shit.  But none of us is gonna sit by on the sidelines while you take B.A.L.O.R. down.  We all want a piece of it.”

Connor suppressed a sigh.  “I’m sure you’re all good at what you do, but a large group would leave a bigger digital footprint—”

“We’re all in this together,” Finn interrupted, looking him directly in the eye.  “I’m happy to step aside and let you take charge, but we’re your team.  Unless Logan says otherwise.”

For a moment, Connor considered going to his father and demanding that the Fianna be taken off the assignment.  But that would make enemies of them.  If he was ever going to escape from Logan’s grasp, he couldn’t afford to alienate the only group of people in NuadaTech who might potentially be allies.

“All right,” he agreed.  “We’ll do it together.  But we need a plan.”

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